December 17th: A Day to Remember and Honor Sex Workers

For anyone who has ever loved, befriended, worked with, been, or is a sex worker, December 17th is a somber day. Since 2003, it's been commemorated as the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. It's a time to remember those who have passed, whether because of violence or neglect, and to look forward to a time when their lives — and deaths — aren't stigmatized by the larger society.

It's a day that means a lot to us at the Stockroom, and not merely in the abstract. From the adult models on our website to our co-workers with side gigs running an OnlyFans account, pro-domming, or appearing in porn, sex workers are a part of our business, our community, and our family.

The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (IDEVASW) was first launched as a way to bring attention to the crimes of Gary Ridgeway, the "Green River Killer" who was convicted of strangling 49 teenage girls and women in the Seattle and Tacoma, Washington area. However, he's thought to have killed at least 71 victims.

Ridgeway himself gave a blunt admission of why he picked the women he did: "I picked prostitutes as victims because they were easy to pick up without being noticed," he wrote in his confession. "I knew they would not be reported missing right away and might never be reported missing. I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught."

Ridgeway's logic was brutal, but correct; he probably wouldn't have been able to kill as many women had he chosen more "respectable" community members. It's a logic that still holds today, 22 years after Annie Sprinkle and Robyn Few organized the first event.

Stigma, even when not backed by the force of law, always creates danger. There's a huge overlap in the issues that sex worker organizations address on December 17 and those behind the Transgender Day of Remembrance every November 20.

For that matter, there's often an overlap between the names of those being remembered on those dates. Thanks to discrimination and other barriers to employment, trans people are significantly more likely than cis people to do sex work to survive.

If you've ever been to one of the December 17th events, you understand how powerful they can be. They take many different forms depending on the place, time, and organizers, but one of the most heartbreaking parts is the reading of the names of those who have passed. The reading often takes the format of name and age with place and method of death. No matter how many names there are, it starts to feel overwhelming very quickly.

Sometimes the names are of people who died years ago, but whose bodies were only discovered within the last year. Perhaps the worst part is that the list is never complete. Sex workers who are now considered "missing" may be found in a shallow grave or at the bottom of a ravine several years from now.

But despite the grimness, there's a lot of warmth and hope to be found at those events. The fact that they've been held — in-person and virtually — for over is an assertion that the lives and work of those in the sex industries are valuable, and that they deserve to be remembered.

Education has always been an important part of the Stockroom's mission. Education about BDSM has helped take it from being considered a pathology to a widely-embraced part of sexuality. There's still a long way to go, of course. Many people still feel uncomfortable acknowledging that part of themselves around anyone who's not a kinkster themselves.

We have a long way to go, but the education and de-stigmatizing that brought us this far did so largely because of the efforts of sex workers. Look at the roster of teachers at any kink convention or other venue, and you'll find more than a few teachers who are or have been sex workers.

We've had the honor of hosting Mistress Tara Indiana, a groundbreaking professional dominatrix at several Stockroom University classes. Cate Osborn, who taught a two-part class on neurodivergence and kink a few months ago, maintains an OnlyFans site in addition to her mainstream social media presence.

So yes, this may be a somber day, but in addition to thinking about those who have died, in addition to acknowledging the continuing violence and stigma, let's think about those who are still with us. And how much they've brought to our community.