In Through the Back Door: Anal Sex 101

Putting things up your butt for fun isn't something that was just invented by directors in Porn Valley. People have been doing butt sex for as long as there have been butts and sex, and frankly, they do it wrong a lot of the time.

Between 2012 and 2021, a medical study found almost 39,000 ER visits for "rectal foreign bodies" in the United States. Things that doctors have removed from peoples' asses include uncooked pasta, marbles, a full shampoo bottle, a baseball (according to the report, "To see what it felt like"), a doorknob, and much more.

We want you to have fun with your ass, because anal sex done right can feel absolutely fantastic. To help you do it right (and keep you out of those medical reports), here's some hints on how to do anal safely and pleasurably.

It's Your Butt and Your Body

This might be considered the Prime Directive of sex or kink in general, but it bears repeating. It's normal for anal penetration to be a little uncomfortable at first. It might even hurt a little. But if you're the one taking penetration, you're also the one who gets to say if it hurts too much.

The lining of the anus is thin and sensitive, and while that's part of what makes it so nice to have it massaged, stroked, or fucked, it also means that you should take your time getting the muscles to relax and figuring out what feels good to you.

A lot of people don't want to disappoint their partner, so they just clench their teeth and try to make it through the discomfort. Don't. Pain is a natural alarm system in your body, so when it tells you to stop, STOP.

Lube Up!

Whether you're using anal beads, butt plugs, fingers, dildos, or your partner's biologically-equipped cock, lube is the one thing you'll always want to have in generous quantities.

Unlike vulvas, your anus doesn't self-lubricate. Without lube, you're much more likely to cause tears in the lining of the anus or rectum, which is likely to ruin the whole evening.

The best anal lubes tend to be either oil-based or silicone-based, because they're thicker and longer-lasting. Water-based lubes are more likely to be used up quickly by intense friction, or to wash away if you're doing your playtime in a swimming pool, shower, or bath. One exception is Pjur Comfort Water Anal Glide, one of the few water-based lubes made specifically for butt play.

When choosing between oil or silicone lubes, you still want to think carefully about what kind of lube you're using and what you're going to be doing:

• Oil-Based: They feel great and last for a long time, but you definitely don't want to be using an oil-based lube with latex condoms or dental dams. The oil will degrade the quality of the latex, possibly causing it to tear or rupture.
  Recommendations: Elbow Grease, Boy Butter

• Silicone-Based: Silicone lubes are safe for most condoms and have a silky texture that lots of people adore, but you want to be careful about what toys you're using. Thanks to a quirk of silicone's molecular structures in its liquid form vs its solid form, silicone lubes can damage your beautiful (and expensive) silicone toys. Recommendations: Gun Oil, Pjur Backdoor Anal Glide, Sliquid Natural Spark Booty Buzz

Putting the lube in can be its own form of play. Get in there and smear it all around to get your partner's ass in the mood. Or, for a more precise (and deeper) application, pick up a three-pack of Lube Shooters. If you really love the idea of doing all that application with your hands though, slip on a pair of Fisting Gloves to keep things clean and slick. (They're latex, so once again, don't use them with oil-based lube.) To go all the way in keeping things clean while you get dirty, there are also fluid-proof sheets and pillowcases available.

Play Preparation: Get Clean and Get Loose

One of the things that squicks a lot of people about backdoor sex is that it's "dirty" back there. And we can't say that's not true; after all, that's where you poop.

But there are things that you can do about that. At the very least, get in there with a washcloth and give yourself a good cleaning. As legendary comedian Redd Foxx once said, the secret to a good relationship is that "You've got to wash your ass."

But even an enthusiastic shower scrub will only go so far, so for a more thorough cleaning, you might want to consider trying anal douching or an enema. You can think of this as simple prep, or like lubing up, it can be its own form of play and stimulation. Think of it as teasing your ass before the main event happens.

If you're new to this, you might want to explore simply, with something like the Colt Anal Douche; It's simple, inexpensive, and gets the job done. The Aneros Prelude Enema Bulb is another good budget option. For more intense cleansing (or if you want to try medically-oriented scenes), you can find more sophisticated equipment like an enema syringe, or kits that attach to your shower head.

Opening Up the Back Door

This is an important step, especially if you're just starting with anal sex. If you watch porn, you've probably seen stars slide a dildo or cock into their ass without hesitation. But to do that, they've gone through a regimen of not only cleaning themselves out with enemas (as above), but getting their anus to relax by wearing a butt plug before shooting.

If this is your first time with anal penetration, your anus is going to be resistant at first. It's not going to just open up and swallow your favorite dildo, or even a finger. It needs to be teased and cajoled and enticed. To put it another way: your ass wants dinner and a movie before it lets anything in there.

The process of cleaning and lubing can help a lot with that process. But it's still best to take it slow. One of the best ways to do that is to try an anal trainer kit. These are sets of butt plugs in graduated sizes (usually three). You start with the smallest, let your body get used to it, then work up to the largest. They also come in a variety of materials and shapes, allowing you to experiment a little and find out what your body is really craving to feel back there.

For instance, our basic rubber anal trainer kit has three plugs that range from 2 inches insertable length and 1.1 inches in diameter to 3 inches long and 1.5 inches around. That's a respectable training regimen.

The Charms Gunmetal Trainer Set, on the other hand, is made of aluminum alloy and lets you experiment with feeling some substantial weight. Being made of metal, it's also better for conducting vibration. Once it's in there, you or your partner can put a vibrator against the base and crank it up for some extra stimulation as your body learns to love being plugged.

For a special treat, we recommend trying the B-Vibe Dilators Set. Made out of strong, borosilicate glass, it includes four plugs, ranging from 0.9 inches in diameter to 1.7 inches. They're beautiful to the eye and not only are great for vibration, but for temperature play. They can be chilled or warmed before insertion for yet another dimension of sensation.

Safety Note: Why Flared Bases are Important

One last thing. When you look at all those plugs, you'll notice that the bottom is the widest part of the toy. This is one of the most vital safety points of any anal sex toy: Never insert anything where the base isn't significantly wider than the head that's being inserted. The flared base of all reputable anal sex toys keeps them from slipping out of your grasp and getting stuck somewhere deep, deep inside.

Remember all those disturbing objects we listed as being retrieved in ERs around the country? Looking for toys with a flared base is what keeps you from going on that list.

With that said, we hope you have a great time exploring your ass!